I had a bit of an exciting moment tonight on my journey of learning to love and be confident in who I am, and seeing as how it is related to my love of fiction and writing I thought I would share it with you lovely people.
I spent all day today applying for scholarships. And for one of the scholarships I had to submit a one page essay discussing my future education and career goals. I almost did not even apply for this scholarship because I always assume that as soon as people read “English History double major” they stop listening, assume I'm worthless, and move on. I avoid the question when people ask what I want to do with my degree because I know that even though it matters to me, society as a whole largely considers is useless. I have a very hard time articulating the importance of fiction in relation to our society to people who don't understand, and this has made it very difficult for me to ever talk about my future plans with people who don't already just get it.
But I applied anyway. And for the first time I was forced to articulate exactly what it is that I think is so worthwhile about my area of study, why it is so important to our society, and how I wanted to use it.
And now, for the first time ever I know exactly why its so important. I know exactly what I can offer society and I know how I plan to make that contribution.
For the first time I feel confident answering the always insult-intended question “and what are you going to do with that degree?" And it feels really, really good.